You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
