She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
