I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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