hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
