I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
