you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
