I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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