everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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