letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
