I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
