is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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