"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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