Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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