so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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