Apparently you make a good broom.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
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Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
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Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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