Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
pray to the hookup gods
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
