Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
