The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
