woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
