weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
