wanna go halves on a baby?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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