I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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