I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
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Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
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He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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