Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
