Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
