Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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