Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
the liver wants what the liver wants
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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