do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
