Can i not drive my cunt home
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
