i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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