god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
