i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
