from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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