"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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