Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
