so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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