fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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