The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Let's get the cat blown out
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
