Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
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