I'm lost and stupid without you.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
this just has baby written all over it
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
