Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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