it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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