it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
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I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
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In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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