so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
