Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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