Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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