"it" just moved
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
