Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
