you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize