i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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