My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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