Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
