is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
