Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
