This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
the raccoons are back...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
