Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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