woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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