You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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