i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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