my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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