apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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