I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I wish my penis had an off switch
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Shame is for Republicans.
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