We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
this just has baby written all over it
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
