i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
